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“Laying down the
law” with your children Rules and limits for children are
important. But sometimes it is hard for children of any age to know what the
rules are. Children, in general, thrive in an orderly
world with a few reasonable rules. But they can be confused by too many
rules, or different rules for different places. Some rules and limits at
preschool may be different than rules and limits at home. A grandmother may have rules in her
house that are different than yours. And you may not always be around to
enforce a rule. The rules should be clear.
If the rules are clear, you have a better chance of enforcing them
consistently. Each time a rule is
broken, you should try to respond the same way. Being clear about what the rules
are helps you be consistent. It also helps other adults know what the
rules are for your child and how they should respond when the rules are
broken. Being consistent with rules and
limits help children learn what they are allowed to do, what they are not
allowed to do, and how they should behave. |
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How you can set rules and
limits in ways that will help your child learn how to behave: 1. Set no more
than have or six house rules Rules and limits should depend on
the age of your child. For a young
child, like a 2-year-old, you may want to start slow and set only two or
three basic rules, such as no hitting and no throwing food. For children who
are 4 years or older, you can set more rules. These rules may be different
than those for a younger child. 2. Set rules
suited to your child’s age Young children don’t sit still too
long, they have accidents, and they may not always obey you. Only have rules for behaviors you know your
child can control. 3. Let your child
know what will happen if a rule is broken Write down what you will do if your
child doesn’t obey a rule. But make sure the punishment fits the unwanted
behavior. For example, the penalty for hitting might be a time out. If your child is 6, he should be in time
out for maximum of 6 minutes. But the
penalty for throwing a ball in the house might be less serious, like not
letting your child play with it. 4. Discuss the
rules with your child Talk to your child. Make sure he or
she understands what “hitting” means, for example, and what happens when he
or she is given a time out. You may
also try including older children in setting rules and the penalties for
breaking them. 5. Work on
important rules Sometimes a child has trouble
correcting a certain behavior. To help your child learn not to do it, set a
rule forbidding the behavior and make it the only rule of the house for
awhile. Try this when the behavior you want
stopped is serious, is something your child does often, or is something that
requires your child to really concentrate on. Sometimes, you can make it hard
for a child to do the unwanted behavior. For example, you might tell your
child, “When you want to hit, put your hands in your pockets.” 6. You obey the
rules, too Everyone in the house should obey
the rules you set for your child. If your child breaks a rule, follow through
and respond the way you told your child you would. No exceptions, no
warnings. No maybes. 7. Review the
rules from time to time Review the rules every once in
awhile. If your child is not hitting his sister anymore, for example, take
that rule off the list and add another one that he needs to work on. But don’t
change a rule if your child has just broken it. If you think it should be
changed, wait a day or two before doing so. 8. Make a list of
things your child SHOULD do Don’t just list behaviors your
child should not do. Make a list of things you want you
child to do, like putting away toys, being polite, or saying, “please” and “thank
you.” Also list some of the good things that will happen if your child does
these things. Try putting a star on the list every time your child does
something you had asked. |
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Always give your child three positives for
every negative. So, if your child has been corrected for an unwanted behavior
once, he should receive at least three praises in the same day for just that
one negative. You need to give your child more positive feedback
than negative. |
