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Mrs. Lori Barthel,
LPC-I, NCC Home |
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Ages & Stages 6-8 years old Your school-ager is now ready
for a steady pace of growing and learning, one in which real life tasks and
activities overtake pretend and fantasy. Equipped with a longer attention
span, your child also is ready to delve into projects, solve problems, and
resolve arguments!
Physical development • skilled at using scissors
and small tools • shows development of permanent teeth • enjoys testing muscle
strength and skills • has good sense of balance • can tie shoelaces • enjoys copying designs and shapes, letters and numbers
Mental development • may reverse printed letters
(b/d) • enjoys planning and building • doubles speaking and
listening vocabularies • may show a stronger interest
in reading • increases problem-solving
ability • has longer attention span • enjoys creating elaborate
collections • shows ability to learn
difference between left and right • can begin to understand time and the days of the week
Social and emotional
development •being with friends becomes increasingly important • shows interest in rules and rituals • wants to play more with
similar friends—girls with girls, boys with boys • may have a “best” friend and “enemy” • shows strong desire to
perform well, do things right • begins to see things from
another child’s point of view, but
still very self-centered • finds criticism or failure
difficult to handle • views things as black and
white, right or wrong, wonderful or terrible, with very little
middle ground • seeks a sense of security in groups, organized play, and clubs • generally enjoys caring for
and playing with younger children • may become upset when
behavior or schoolwork is ignored
Ideas for Parents • Provide opportunities for
active play. Throwing at targets, running, jumping rope, tumbling, and
aerobics may be of interest. • Provide opportunities to
develop an understanding of rules by playing simple table games: cards,
dominoes, tic-tac-toe. • Provide opportunities for
your child to do noncompetitive team activities such as working a jigsaw
puzzle or planting a garden. • Encourage your child’s sense
of accomplishment by providing opportunities to build models, cook, make
crafts, practice music, or work with wood. • Encourage collections by
allowing your child to make special storage boxes or books. • Encourage reading and
writing by encouraging your child to produce stories with scripts, create
music for plays and puppet shows, produce a newspaper, record events, go on
field trips, or conduct experiments. • Help your child explore the
world by taking field trips to museums, work places, and other neighborhoods.
Books for parents Parent’s Guide for the Best Books for Children, How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk, Adele Faber and Elizabeth Mazlish Caring for Your School-age Child: Ages 5 to 12,
Books for children A Chair for My Mother, Vera Williams Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Judith Viorst Anna Banana and Me, Lenore Blegvard Everybody Needs A Rock, Byrd Baylor The The Kid Next Door and Other Headaches: Stories About Adam Joshua, Janice Lee Smith Little House in the Big Woods, Laura
Ingalls Wilder Ramona, |
Ages & Stage 9-11 years old Friendships and
accomplishments are important to older children. Secret codes, made-up
languages, and passwords are used to strengthen the bonds of friendship. Be prepared
to use all your “patience” skills as your child may tend to think that he or
she does not need adult care or supervision. Physical development Girls: • are generally as much as 2
years ahead of boys in physical maturity • may begin to menstruate Boys and girls: • have increased body strength
and hand dexterity • show improved coordination
and reaction time • may begin to grow rapidly at
the end of this age period Mental development • shows interest in reading
fictional stories, magazines, and how-to project books • may develop special interest
in collections or hobbies • fantasizes and daydreams
about the future • enjoys planning and
organizing tasks • becomes more product and
goal oriented • has great ideas and
intentions, but difficulty following
through • enjoys games with more complex rules Social and emotional
development • begins to see that parents
and authority figures can make mistakes and are not always right • often likes rituals, rules,
secret codes, and made-up languages • enjoys being a member of a
club • has increased interest in
competitive sports • has better control of anger • may belittle or defy adult
authority • shows interest in opposite sex by teasing, joking,
showing off • prefers spending more time
with friends than with parents • may sometimes be verbally
cruel to classmates with harsh “put downs” and snide remarks • tends to see things as right or wrong, with no room for
difference of opinion Ideas for
Parents • Provide opportunities for
older school-agers to help out with real skills. Cooking, sewing, and
designing dramatic play props are useful ways to use their skills. • Provide time and space for
an older child to be alone. Time to read, daydream, or do school work
uninterrupted will be appreciated. • Encourage your child to make
a call to a school friend. • Encourage your child to
participate in an organized club or youth group. Many groups encourage skill
development with projects or activities that
can be worked on at home. • Encourage your older child
to help with a younger one but avoid burdening older children with too many
adult responsibilities. Allow time for play and relaxation. • Provide opportunities for
older children to play games of strategy. Checkers, chess, and Monopoly are
favorites. • Remember to provide plenty
of food. Older children have larger appetites than younger children and will
need to eat more.
Books for parents Parent’s Guide for the
Best Books for Children, How to Talk So Kids Will
Listen and Listen So Kids Will
Talk, Adele Faber and Elizabeth Mazlish Caring for Your
School-age Child: Ages 5 to 12,
Books for children Are You There God? It’s
Me, Margaret, Judy Blume Chocolate Fever, Robert Kimmel Smith How It Feels to Be
Adopted, Jill Krementz How To Eat Fried The Indian in the
Cupboard, Lynn Banks Nothing’s Fair in Fifth
Grade, Barthe DeClements The Ramona’s World, Beverly Cleary Tales of a Fourth Grade
Nothing, Judy Blume |
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Catch
your child being
good When most parents think of discipline, they think of
punishment. But good discipline is
really guidance, and that often involves using praise. Children learn what they are like from other people. The
ways parents respond to children influence how children feel about
themselves. Using praise to help correct inappropriate behavior can be
more effective as using punishment. And praise helps children feel good about
themselves. Correcting inappropriate behavior and punishing a child is
sometimes necessary. But you should balance out punishment by giving at least
an equal amount of praise. Catch your child being good! A little praise goes a long
way. If you want your child to think he or she is valuable, lovable, and
appreciated, your child needs to know that you feel that way.
How you can use praise as a way
to discipline your child: 1. Praise when your child does something well If the only time you respond is when you are displeased,
your child may come to think he or she is a bad person. And when you only
respond to your child when he or she does something wrong, your child may
come to think that misbehaving is the only way to get your attention. When
your child does something well, tell or show him or her how much you
appreciate it. 2. Catch your child being good When children behave nicely, it may seem unnecessary to
respond because nothing is being done wrong. Good discipline means noticing
good behavior and accomplishments and responding with praise or appreciation.
A simple “I like how you are playing by yourself with the blocks” or “This is
really a nice wall you have built” will mean a great deal to your child. 3. Be specific Make sure your child understands what you are praising him
or her for. Just saying “Good boy” is too vague. Save it for the dog. Be more
specific. “Thank you for picking up the candy wrappers. That was a big help
to me.” 3. Don’t overdo it You don’t have to go overboard in praising your child. And you don’t have to exaggerate. Simply thanking your child for something he or she did is
a good way to give praise. 4. Praise in other ways besides words Telling your child you appreciate something he or she did
is one way to praise. Other ways include showing interest in what your child
says and does, and listening to what he or she has to say. A smile, a hug, a
thumbs-up signal, or a high-five also lets your child know that you are
pleased. For example, right after your child puts away his or her toys, give
your child a smile and then explain what it is that pleases you. 5. Praise immediately Don’t wait to give praise. If your child helps to clear
the dinner table, praise him or her when the last dish is taken into the kitchen. 6. Praise all the time at first, but less often later If you give your child a chore, for example, and your
child finishes it, make sure you let him or her know that you appreciate the
job. This will help your child learn the chore and feel satisfied when he or
she succeeds in finishing it. After your child does the chore almost all the
time, praise him or her only once in a while. 7. Don’t use love as a reward You always love and accept your child no matter what he or
she does. Tell your child that you do. Make sure your child understands that
your love for him or her has nothing to do with you not liking bad behavior.
When your child misbehaves, for example, you might say, “I love you, James,
but I don’t like it when you call me names.”
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Rules and Limits “Laying down the law” with your children Rules and limits for children are important. But
sometimes it is hard for children of any age to know what the rules are. Children, in general, thrive in an orderly world with a
few reasonable rules. But they can be confused by too many rules, or
different rules for different places. Some rules and limits at preschool may
be different than rules and limits at home. A grandmother may have rules in her house that are
different than yours. And you may not always be around to enforce a rule. The
rules should be clear. If the rules
are clear, you have a better chance of enforcing them consistently. Each time a rule is broken, you should try
to respond the same way. Being clear about what the rules are helps you be
consistent. It also helps other adults know what the rules are for your
child and how they should respond when the rules are broken. Being consistent with rules and limits help children
learn what they are allowed to do, what they are not allowed to do, and how
they should behave. How you can set rules and
limits in ways that will help your child learn how to behave: 1. Set no more than have or six house rules Rules and limits should depend on the age of your
child. For a young child, like a
2-year-old, you may want to start slow and set only two or three basic rules,
such as no hitting and no throwing food. For children who are 4 years or
older, you can set more rules. These rules may be different than those for a
younger child. 2. Set rules suited to your child’s age Young children don’t sit still too long, they have
accidents, and they may not always obey you.
Only have rules for behaviors you know your child can control. 3. Let your child know what will happen if a
rule is broken Write down what you will do if your child doesn’t obey a
rule. But make sure the punishment fits the unwanted behavior. For example,
the penalty for hitting might be a time out.
If your child is 6, he should be in time out for maximum of 6
minutes. But the penalty for throwing
a ball in the house might be less serious, like not letting your child play
with it. 4. Discuss the rules with your child Talk to your child. Make sure he or she understands what
“hitting” means, for example, and what happens when he or she is given a time
out. You may also try including older
children in setting rules and the penalties for breaking them. 5. Work on important rules Sometimes a child has trouble correcting a certain
behavior. To help your child learn not to do it, set a rule forbidding the
behavior and make it the only rule of the house for awhile. Try this when the behavior you want stopped is serious,
is something your child does often, or is something that requires your child
to really concentrate on. Sometimes, you can make it hard for a child to do
the unwanted behavior. For example, you might tell your child, “When you want
to hit, put your hands in your pockets.” 6. You obey the rules, too Everyone in the house should obey the rules you set for
your child. If your child breaks a rule, follow through and respond the way
you told your child you would. No exceptions, no warnings. No maybes. 7. Review the rules from time to time Review the rules every once in awhile. If your child is
not hitting his sister anymore, for example, take that rule off the list and
add another one that he needs to work on. But don’t change a rule if your
child has just broken it. If you think it should be changed, wait a day or
two before doing so. 8. Make a list of things your child SHOULD do Don’t just list behaviors your child should not do. Make a list of things you want you child to do, like
putting away toys, being polite, or saying, “please” and “thank you.” Also
list some of the good things that will happen if your child does these
things. Try putting a star on the list every time your child does something
you had asked. Always give your child three positives for
every negative. So, if your child has been corrected for an unwanted
behavior once, he should receive at least three praises in the same day for
just that one negative. You need to give your child more positive feedback
than negative. |
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Why you
should try other ways to
discipline your child Were you spanked when you were a
child? Many of today’s parents would answer, “yes.” Spanking is very common way that
parents try to discourage unacceptable behavior. Almost 90 percent of all
parents spank their children at one time or another. In some cultures, spanking is
viewed as the best way to punish children. Most parents spank because they
think it works. Why do parents think spanking works? Spanking shows you don’t approve
of whatever it was that the child did. Spanking is harsh. You know it
gets a child’s immediate attention. When a child is spanked, the bad
behavior usually stops right away. Some people believe spanking
creates respect for parents. But spanking does not work as well
as many parents believe. Spanking
doesn’t work as well as parents think
it does Spanking may stop bad behavior for
the moment, but probably not over the long term. For example, a boy who is spanked
for hitting his sister may not hit her again if he knows Mom is watching. But
when Mom isn’t around to see him, he may hit again. 1. Spanking teaches the
wrong lesson Spanking teaches that when someone
does something you don’t like, you hit them. If it’s OK for you to hit, it
must be okay for your child to hit other people too. In fact, children who are spanked
by their parents are more aggressive to other children. 2. Spanking doesn’t
teach the parent the right lesson either If you think spanking works,
spanking and other harsh physical punishment can easily become a habit. Children sometimes make parents
very angry. When hitting becomes a habit, it is easier to lose control and
seriously injure your child when you become angry. 3. Spanking can hurt
your relationship with your child Children don’t like being hit.
Spanking can color your children’s feelings toward you, especially if you
spank them frequently. This is important when children get older and start
spending more time away from you – at school and with friends, for example.
Then, it will no longer be the fear of getting spanked that will keep them in
line. It will be the strength of your relationship. 4. Spanking is an abuse
of power Most parents wouldn’t think of
spanking a 16-yearold. It probably wouldn’t work, and a teenager might hit back.
You probably wouldn’t tolerate your neighbor hitting your child either. And
if your neighbor hit you, you’d probably call the police. If it’s wrong or
inappropriate for other people to spank your child, it is wrong for you to
spank or hit your young child, too. 5. Spanking can make
children feel helpless and lower their condence
and self-esteem When you discipline your child,
you want to change a specic undesired behavior. You don’t want
to make your child feel helpless or that he or she is a “bad” child. You want
your child to learn and to feel good about himself or herself. 6. Spanking alone does
not teach a child what he or she should
do Spanking mostly says “NO!” But
children also need to hear, “YES.” They need to know what they should do, not
just what they shouldn’t do. 7. If you don’t spank,
you still discipline Spanking is not the only way to
discipline your child. Try giving your child a time-out. A time-out is
nothing more than having your child sit in an isolated place with nothing to
do for a short period of time and also try taking away some privileges, such
as watching television. |
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